I 've got a D for Design

It comes as a shock to me when I saw my design grade. I have never imagine myself to fail my design because I am very satisfied with what I have produced. My tutor was happy with what I have done too. I did considerably alright for my internal examination because I know I am way above a passing grade. However, I believe that I have failed in my external examination that has cost me such a horrendous grade. I am not the only one who is affected. Many of the people who have been selected for the external critique were affected very badly. For most of those who were not chosen, they could still maintain at least a passing grade, C, even after moderation.

I know my own design standard well. I have always been getting at least a Bplus for my previous projects. I don't think I am such a lousy designer to deserve a grade like this. I was indeed very very upset after I got over my shocked response while looking into my laptop screen. Couldn't believe that it was a D grade and not a B grade.

I do not know what has gone wrong. My design is rather resolved. I fulfilled all the submission requirements and I wasn't late for submission. My drawings were decent and my design wasn't bad. I do not know where I have been penalised. I felt quite unjustified with the results of the external examination.

I could feel unjustified. But at the same time, I am very helpless. I couldn't do anything to my grade any more. Appealing to review my grade is pointless because the grade would not change. To review the grade would only mean to check and ensure that there's no typo error when the grade is keyed into the computer system. My tutor has affirmed that I did not pass and I believe that the grade is correct.

How do I feel?
Was shock, then upset, and later assured. Assured in the hands of the Lord that this is merely a passing phase. I believe that this happen for a reason. Probably God has allowed it to happen for a bigger purpose in the future, which I could only wait for the moment. I told my cell group members about it. They are all very concerned about me. But seriously, for each and everyone of you who is reading my entry now, do not be worried about me. I am fine. I have accepted my grade and I am no longer crying over it. I believe that this is part of God's plan and I am sure that He will guide me through. I told my cg friends that ever since I came back from Korea, I have learnt to cope with every difficulty according to what the Lord has led. Nothing could compare to my spiritual BMT in Korea. It was so intense then, and I emerged from it victorious because I know myself better and I have grown alot more from it. I give thanks to God for everything He places in my life. He has a purpose for me. I learn to rejoice and give thanks in both good times and bad times for my Lord is Good and He will not forsake me.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

What do i do next?
Having a D grade for design would mean that I would have to repeat this module. Initially, I have an intention of graduating with a D grade in design since it is still a passing grade by the NUS standard. But later I found out that I would need a minimum C grade in design to file for graduation. This means that it's not time for me to leave NUS and venture into the working world yet.

I asked if there's a summer semester for those who have failed this module, so that we could repeat the module now and would still be in time for the upcoming semester. But, the department is not offering to our cohort this year although they have done it once for the previous batch.

Well, at the end of the day, I don't have much of a choice actually. I would still need to apply for leave of absence in the next semester. After which, I would have to repeat the module in the second semester. This means that if I am still going ahead with honours, I would graduate one year later.

What do I get out of everything?
I am thankful that my tutor believes in me. She said that I am a strong girl and saw in me the desire to learn. What she said was enough to comfort me because my efforts and design abilities are recognised. She was satisfied with my work. I trust that she has tried her very best to appeal for me and negotiate with the external examiners before the grade was determined.

I have to thank her for guiding me throughout the design process. I am very thankful that she gives me a personal space for creation without dictating or prescribing too much in my design development. She is like the rudder of a boat that steers me in my desired direction which she could see clearer than me. Once in a while, I could have strayed from the designated direction but she was always around to guide me. Although it could be quite exasperating sometimes when she seems to be offering unhelpful comments like "I don't know", "You have to try" or "I am not sure" while sketching on the butter paper intuitively, I appreciate her for not being deterministic. She challenges me to think. And I really have learnt alot from her.

Prayer Request
Please pray for the Lord's guidance from now onwards. Pray for a given direction so that I would know what I could do while I am away from school for one semester.

Also pray for my scholarship renewal. I am currently having ASEAN scholarship. I am afraid that they might not allow me for renewing scholarship in the subsequent year since I would need to repreat one semester. I actually meet the minimum requirements for sustaining the scholarship and renewing it despite my bad grade. I have always been meeting the requirements during my university education. I have no history of not doing well. The only factor that could prevent me from having the scholarship again in the following academic year would be my disruption in my acadmic journey. Pray that the scholarship board could understand my situation and would allow the renewal of my scholarship.

My Sincere Appreciation
Finally, dear friends, I know you all believe in me. I am thankful to everyone of you who has been keeping me in your prayers. Allow me to thank the following friends specifically.

Bro Kengsan and Yunnong for criting my work and guiding me through my design process. Really learnt alot from the critique sessions. Thank you for being with me through my eve of submission. To keep me company and emotionally controlled when I was like far from finishing my work. Thanks to Bro San for helping with my model. Your model making skill is good.

Da jie Sulin who has also helped me in my design development when I was uninspired with my work.

Pearlene, Sharon and Weibin (my shortwing neighbours), for they have been encouraging me and sustaining me emotionally while I was labouring through the submission period. I really miss you babes!!! I miss being in B2 short wing.

My Sunshine Dawn. Never forget the cheerful smses that encourage me alot while I am working through the late nights. Your smile at my stoned looking face has never fail for me to return a smile to you. You are just so adorable, darling.

Andrew LJ for keeping me entertained with boliao smses while I was cadding in the unexciting digital studio and while you were doing your guard duties.

My cellgroup BASIC. They have been very concern of my design examinations, and now about my grade. Just want to thank all of you for being such great support! Hee.. I might be a baby in the CG but I am matured enough to handle this little downfall. Not to be worried about me. I am really really alright. HAhaha!

I pray that my entry would edify you. I am very excited with where God is going to bring me. It's out of the ordinary education pathway now. I am going to journey through a thirlling walk with Him. I am looking forward to it.

Haha. Not to worry. I am still sane. =)